Has My Idea of Friendship Changed in My Forties?

Has your idea of what makes a good friend changed as you’ve gotten older?
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In my forties, I’ve realized now more than ever that friendship is less about proximity and more about who shows up when it matters.

Who you can be 100% yourself with, without fear of judgment. We can go days, even weeks, without speaking, but when we do, we pick up right where we left off. We understand that life is life-ing, and we don’t mistake quiet for distance.

But there are layers to this for me.

I used to be the friend who was always available. Calling every day, showing up, and whenever someone said, “Let’s go,” I was with it. But as I got older and entered a new chapter in my life, that started to change. And with that came shifts in some of my friendships. Some felt like a shutout, and others honestly felt like I was being punished for no longer being the friend I used to be.

And if I’m being honest, I know I fell short as a friend during that time, too. I was trying to figure things out, and I wasn’t always showing up the way I used to. Looking back, there are things I wish I’d handled differently.

But I’ve also come to accept that some friendships may just be for a season.

I think getting older has made me more understanding of the fact that we all have our own lives, responsibilities, and things we’re dealing with. It’s also made me more selective about who I consider a friend.

I know the kind of friend I am today, and I recognize that I may not be the kind of friend some people need. And that’s okay. It doesn’t make them wrong for wanting something different, and it doesn’t make me wrong for changing.

These days, I value friendships where there’s mutual understanding, where we give each other grace, and where we can accept that sometimes life doesn’t allow us to show up in the same ways we once did.

Has My Idea of Friendship Changed in My Forties? Absolutely!!