Why Do We Get in Our Own Way?

I wrote this random thought on my Threads account this morning, and it got me thinking about self-sabotage and how often I have done it throughout my life.

In the past, I have started and stopped doing makeup, a podcast, a body contouring business, 2 online clothing stores, and even this blog. Most of these ventures, if not all, probably could have been successful, but for some reason or another, I stopped.

Looking back, I realize it wasn’t because I lacked skill or potential. It was fear—fear of failure, fear of judgment, and sometimes even fear of success. The unknown felt overwhelming, so I sabotaged my own progress without even realizing it.

Have you ever found yourself on the verge of something great—an exciting opportunity, a promising relationship, or a big personal goal—only to suddenly backpedal, procrastinate, or convince yourself you’re not ready?

That’s self-sabotage. And more often than not, it’s fueled by the fear of the unknown.

Why Do We Self-Sabotage?

Self-sabotage is an unconscious way of keeping ourselves safe. When we enter new territory—whether it’s starting a new job, opening up emotionally, or chasing a big dream—our brain sees it as a potential threat. It whispers doubts like:

• What if I fail?
• What if people judge me?
• What if I can’t handle it?

Even when we consciously want to move forward, our subconscious mind clings to the familiar—even if that familiar place is frustration, stagnation, or unfulfilled potential.

I remember when I was doing makeup—I was pretty good at it, in my opinion. But I started to notice that people weren’t rebooking me, not even friends or family. They also never posted my work. Slowly, I started to get discouraged, thinking, Maybe I’m not as good as I thought. In true Kieks fashion, I began to have so much anxiety about doing something that had once come naturally to me. Instead of pushing through, I let the doubt win, and just like that, another passion was put on the back burner

The Fear of the Unknown: Our Mind’s Safety Mechanism

The unknown is scary because it lacks certainty. We don’t know how things will turn out, and that uncertainty triggers anxiety. So, we sabotage:

• Procrastination. Instead of taking action, we delay, overthink, or convince ourselves we need just a little more time before we’re ready.
• Perfectionism. We set impossibly high standards, making success feel unattainable, so we never really start.
• Overcommitting or distraction. We fill our schedules with busy work, avoiding the deep work that pushes us forward.
• Doubt and self-criticism. We tell ourselves we’re not good enough, smart enough, or prepared enough to take the next step.

Breaking Free: How to Stop Sabotaging Ourselves

1. Recognize the Pattern

Start noticing when you’re holding yourself back. Are you avoiding something out of fear? Are you making excuses that keep you in your comfort zone? Awareness is the first step to change.

2. Shift Your Mindset About the Unknown

Instead of seeing the unknown as a danger, reframe it as potential. What if the next step isn’t something to fear, but an opportunity for something great?

3. Take Small, Brave Steps

Fear thrives in inaction. The best way to overcome it? Move forward—imperfectly. Start with small steps: send the email, make the call, write the first page. Action builds confidence.

4. Challenge Negative Self-Talk

When your mind says, What if I fail?, respond with, What if I succeed? When it whispers, I’m not ready, say, I can figure it out as I go.

5. Get Comfortable with Discomfort

Growth happens outside of our comfort zones. Remind yourself: the fear of the unknown isn’t a sign to stop—it’s a sign that you’re growing.

Conclusion

Self-sabotage isn’t about laziness or lack of motivation—it’s about fear. And fear doesn’t mean you’re not capable; it just means you’re stepping into something new.

The unknown will always be there, but so will the possibility of something amazing. The choice is yours: stay where you are or take a chance on something better.

I’m choosing to push forward this time. What about you?

Have you ever found yourself sabotaging your own progress? What’s something you stopped yourself from doing out of fear? Let’s talk about it in the comments—I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Until next time—keep thriving, keep growing, and embracing the imperfectly perfect journey.”

xo, Kieks