Pay attention to your partner

Happy New, New Quarter! It is my favorite season of the year. I have always loved the spring the birds chirping in the morning the flowers blooming and the sense of newness all around. As a new ATL resident I am not a fan of the pollen at all! My allergies are kicking my butt right now.

In my weekly download with my Sis/Friend this week the controversial topic of 50/50 in relationships, household came up.

Before I start Disclaimer: I believe that every relationship is different and that everyone should do what is best for their individual relationships.

If you scroll down any one of your timelines, (tik Tok, IG or Facebook) I am sure you have seen the flood of opinions regarding 50/50 households, men providing, and what women bring to the table. Some say that it is what is causing the battle between men and women especially African Americans.

As a woman who for the most part has taken care of her own household for many years there is a part of a 50/50 household that sounds like relief. Yes, it would be great to be in a place where I didn’t have to worry about bills at all but let’s be honest, that is something that has become harder as the cost of living gets more expensive by the day it seems.

The problem I have with the conversation of 50/50 is that running a household is not just about the bills, there are so many other things that keep a household together and honestly it will never be 50/50, someone will always be doing more.

This is my perspective as a woman.

In most cases (not all) the woman in the home:

is cleaning more.
knows what is needed in the home and most likely making sure it is there without saying anything.
is cooking more.
making the house a home ie: decorating, buying hangers, pillows, new comforters etc.
tending to the kids more than the other parent.

etc.

When a woman starts to resent the choice to accept a 50/50 split in most cases it is because she is doing or feels like she is doing way more than her partner, and it is not appreciated or noticed it is as if it is her duty to do so.

Now the conversations we are having online are a bit different the narrative is that the man should be doing it all financially and the women just spend the money and look good. While that may sound good, I believe most people are really just looking for a helpmate.

What is a Helpmate: one that is a companion and helper.

50/50 means balance and that is what most of us want balance. We want to feel like what we give is what we get back. In order to do that we need to pay attention to our partners.

Being a help mate to a woman:

If she cooks, you do the dishes without having to be asked.
Whatever day of the week she cleans get up and help
Have a meal prepared or bought before she gets home from work without her having to think about anything.
take her car to the car wash and fill the tank from time to time.
be in charge of the car maintenance
send her money when she says she is going to Target or Walmart (understand there is a such thing as a target girl and a Walmart girl lol) I guarantee you she was already coming back with something specifically for the home or even for you.
Keep the kids for a day and let her have a day to herself.
If she is not 100% pick up where she needs, you to.

I believe that in a healthy relationship we should not make lists of what we do for each other, but we should pay attention and reciprocate. When we don’t pay attention to our partners resentment begins to build.

Something I learned from one of my cousins is taking my partner on dates if he always pays for our dates there is nothing wrong with inviting and taking him out sometimes.

Being a help mate to a man:

Be his safe space when he needs to be vulnerable.
give him space sometimes when men are quiet it has nothing to do with us.
take him out on a date.
make his favorite meal.
have a day just for him.
Order or pick up his favorite dinner that you don’t cook.
If he is not at 100% pick up where he needs, you to

Word of the day RECIPROCATE.

In conclusion if we pay attention to our partners, we learn how to give them what they need. But when all else fails communicate your needs to your partner because honestly sometimes they just don’t know.

What do you think about the 50/50 conversation? is there anything you would add to the list of things you need from your mate. I am sure there are so many I missed!

until next time

xoxo Kieks