Hey Ladies Happy New Week and New Month!

As you all know I made a big move back in 2021 moving from Los Angeles CA, to Atlanta GA. I needed a change truth is I had always wanted to move out of Cali never really thought about GA, honestly Texas was always my number 1 but my daughter had already moved here and I had family here so why not.

When I moved to Georgia I was not totally ready to start dating but with a push or two from one of my best friends Veronica and my cousin Krystle who lives in GA and recently got engaged at the time I got on the dating apps, mainly to meet new people like I said I was not really ready to date. Prior to my move I told myself that when I did decide to date I would take sex off the table, I had evaluated my patterns and realized that I needed to take sex off the table.

Sometimes when we have sex to quickly:

• We try to build relationships with people we would otherwise not really like
• We end up in situationships for extended amounts of time taking away from the possibility of finding the one.
• Exchanging soul-ties with unworthy people
• Ignore what we really want and settle

Fast forward a couple months after my move i actually started to date with the intention to find my person and not a situationship. (we are grown we have all been there but just in case you need the definition)- a situationship refers to a romantic relationship that is, and remains, undefined).

During a conversation with my good friend Adele she told me about when she was at the same point in her life right before meeting her now husband. She told me about her 6 date rule, 6 dinner dates and no sex, she said for her it was dinner dates to sit and talk get to know each other and see if we really like each other. I really like that rule so I implemented it into my now dating life.

I began to finally date for me the rule and the promise to myself really helped to weed out the men that were not for me most men never made it to a second date some not past a first phone call.

There were:

• The men that spoke to me in Instagram posts, you know what I am talking about the memes single women post in our stories about what we want from men.. lol
• The man that wanted to make you there girlfriend from a phone call or on the first date (sir what is my last name?)
• The man that you could tell didn’t know how to be alone so anyone was a prospect to be a wife.
• Then there was the one that right after the date I found out he had a baby on the way with another woman. (did I mention I became inspector gadget while I was dating? hehe)
• Then the infamous WYD all day man.

By this time I was ready to give up:

It had been about two months since my last flopped date and some boring online encounters I was chilling like okay got it is not my time Ill just date your when you come down to earth lol. I was not dating but from time to time in boredom I would left and right slide online, In February of 2022 sad and bored after a canceled flight for a girls trip to aspen I said okay god I am gonna try this one last time there I saw that I had matched with this guy 5 days prior and decided why to answer his message and so it began. To this day I remember Krissy saying everything happens for a reason. Truth is I probably would not have sent a message if I went on that trip.

His conversation was different he didn’t pressure to move the conversation from the app to the phone took his time and he was funny it was easy. We talked on the app for about 5 days and he asked me out then I gave him my number he called and we spoke for 2 hours, I literally sat in my car for the entire 2 hours and talked to this then stranger. If you know me as much as I like to talk sometime this was a bit much but I enjoyed it. During that conversation i let him know my boundaries and what I was looking for. What is interesting is that those bad dates helped me to figure out what wanted and needed during my dating experience and also helped him he came in with a small understanding or who I was.

February 11, 2022 we went our first date bowling, now though I implemented the 6 day rule for me it was not exactly the same I enjoy active dates just as much or more than dinner dates. It was a great date he kicked my butt in bowling after I talk so big about how he would lose to a girl LOL. He was intentional from the first date and he did not have to tell me I saw it. you could also tell that he listened and understood my boundaries and so the one date streak ended with him.

Dates: During every date he would asked me on another one. and the 2 hour or more conversations remained consistent

1. Bowling
2. Dinner and a Club
3. Hike
4. Birthday Dinner for one of his bestfriends (first Kiss)*
5. Dinner and a Lounge
6. Dinner
7. R&B Only Concert

*fun fact prior to date four I thought maybe he only wanted to be my friend because he had not made a move I was upset and he was just giving me what I said I wanted (no pressure) LOL we women don’t know what we want don’t tell the men though.

We did not have sex for almost 2 months gave us time to get to know each other and build a friendship and a foundation for our relationship.

We became officially exclusive 2 months in but the truth is we knew after the 2nd date . We are now almost 8 months in and still going.

I am not writing this to tell you to abstain from sex but I encourage you to think about whatever patterns you currently have when it comes to dating that may not be working in your favor would making simple changes help you toward your goal of a healthy relationship?

Until next time xo,Kieks