The other day, while on the phone with my daughter, we started talking about relationships. We were reflecting on how someone can come out of a painful situation carrying scars, and how easy it is to drag those scars into something new.

In that moment, I told her:

“You should not bleed on a person that did not cut you.”

There was a pause on the other end of the line, then she said, “Mom… that’s so good. Where did you even get that from?”

I laughed and told her, “Honestly, I can’t remember where I first heard it. But when I was healing and decided I was ready to date again, that phrase stuck with me. I made a promise not to take my past out on a new person who hadn’t done anything to me.”

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The Weight of Old Wounds

When we don’t fully heal, it’s easy to approach new relationships guarded, suspicious, or fearful. Maybe we check phones, second-guess every word, or assume betrayal is around the corner. But here’s the thing: those reactions are less about the person in front of us and more about the pain behind us.

Carrying old wounds into new spaces doesn’t just rob us of peace—it can sabotage the very relationship we’re hoping will be different.

And let’s be real—in our late 30s and 40s, this space feels even harder. We’ve lived. We’ve loved. We’ve been hurt. And with that comes baggage—memories, heartbreaks, lessons, and disappointments that are not easy to set down. Starting fresh at this age means we carry both wisdom and wounds.

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Healing Before Starting Over

Healing isn’t about being perfect or having it all figured out. It’s about being honest with yourself. It’s sitting in the discomfort of your pain, addressing the trust issues, and choosing not to project yesterday’s hurt onto today’s opportunities.

When we take the time to heal, we give new people a fair chance to show up as themselves—not as the villain in our past story.

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A Gentle Reminder

If you’re stepping into a new season of love, friendship, or connection, remember this:

• Don’t let the wrong person’s actions cost you the right person’s love.
• Don’t let the past convince you the future has to look the same.
• And above all—don’t bleed on someone who didn’t cut you.

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For those of us navigating love and connection in our 30s and 40s—how do you handle the balance of carrying life experiences without letting them become baggage? Drop your thoughts in the comments.

I hope you liked today post,

Until Next time keep growing and thriving on your journey

xo, Kieks

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