I was out to dinner with one of my good girlfriends and she brought a friend along. We had a great time—good food, good vibes, lots of laughs. You couldn’t have told me anything was off. But later, my friend hits me with,
“You definitely sized her up when she walked in.”
Wait… what?
Here I am thinking I’ve gotten so much better about softening up my energy, being more welcoming, smiling more—all the things. But that comment reminded me… maybe I still give off that look.
I’m Not Mean—I’m Just Guarded
Now let’s be real—I’ve heard this before. People have been telling me for years that I can come off intimidating. And honestly, it used to bother me. But after some reflection (and a couple more dinner conversations like this one), I realized something:
I’m not mean. I’m not rude.
I’m guarded.
That’s it. I like to observe. I like to feel people out. And yeah… sometimes that comes off a little strong. Not because I’m judging you—but because I’m protecting me.
A Moment I’ll Never Forget
This actually reminded me of something that happened years ago at an event. I was in the ladies’ room, fixing my makeup or something, and a woman I knew walked up to me and said,
“You always look so mean.”
I looked at her and calmly said,
“I look mean, but I’m really not.”
Two other women were standing nearby and overheard the whole thing.
Funny enough? Those two women—who also thought I was mean before that moment—are now two of my closest friends. Funny enough the friend that invited me to dinner is one of them.
All it took was a little honesty and the chance to actually know me.
Perception Isn’t Always the Whole Story
That moment stuck with me because it reminded me that people are always forming opinions before they really get the chance to see your heart. And when you’re naturally more reserved or guarded, people can assume things that just aren’t true.
But here’s the thing—I’d rather take my time and be real than perform for acceptance.
Still, I am learning how to be more aware of my energy. How to lead with warmth, even when I’m feeling quiet. And how to not let protection turn into isolation.
So Now What?
I’m not shrinking myself. I’m just softening—on my own terms.
Because I don’t want my strength to feel like distance. I want it to feel like peace.
And I want people who cross paths with me to feel seen, not sized up.
Let’s Talk About It
Have you ever been misunderstood based on your energy or first impression?
Girl, I feel you.
Until Next Time
Keep Growing and Thriving on your Journey.
xo, Kieks
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