There comes a point in life when you look in the mirror and barely recognize the person staring back at you. Maybe your interests have shifted, your priorities have changed, or the things that used to bring you joy no longer resonate. In these moments, it’s easy to wonder: Did I lose myself, or am I just evolving?

I have changed so much over the last few years, and for a long time, I felt like I was losing myself. I wasn’t as social, and going out drinking was no longer a priority. I had started a new relationship and found comfort in stability, which was great, but it also sparked an internal struggle between who I was and who I was becoming. I questioned whether I had abandoned the carefree, spontaneous version of myself or if I was simply making space for a more intentional, grounded life. But as I reflected, I realized that my values hadn’t disappeared—they had just shifted in ways that better served me.

The Fear of Change Disguised as Loss

Change can be uncomfortable, and sometimes, it feels like mourning an old version of yourself. You might reminisce about the past, longing for the energy, passion, or innocence you once had. Perhaps you used to be the life of the party, but now you find joy in quieter moments. Maybe a career shift or a new responsibility has reshaped how you spend your time, making you wonder if you’ve lost your drive or simply found a new focus.

We tend to associate “losing ourselves” with something negative—like we’ve drifted too far from who we used to be. But true loss happens when we abandon our core values, not when we embrace new ways of expressing them. For example, if you once defined yourself by adventure and spontaneity but now prioritize stability, you might fear you’ve lost your spark. However, growth means redefining what adventure looks like—perhaps it’s now about deepening relationships, learning new skills, or tackling personal challenges. That version of us was never meant to be permanent. Growth requires shedding outdated beliefs, habits, and even relationships that no longer align with who we are becoming.

Signs You’re Evolving, Not Lost

If you feel disconnected from your past self, consider these signs that you might be growing rather than losing yourself:

• Your values have deepened, not disappeared. You may no longer care about the same things you once did, but that doesn’t mean you’ve lost yourself. Instead, your values have evolved. Maybe you once chased social validation, but now you find fulfillment in deeper connections and personal growth. Or perhaps you used to seek external success, but now you prioritize mental peace and well-being.
• You’ve outgrown certain environments. If you find yourself feeling out of place in situations that once felt comfortable—whether it’s a social scene, a job, or even friendships—it’s a sign you’re moving forward. Growth often means letting go of spaces that no longer align with who you are becoming. Think about how a favorite childhood hangout might not feel the same now—it’s not that you’ve lost something, but that you’ve evolved beyond it.
• You’re questioning things more. When you start reflecting on your choices, beliefs, and desires, it’s not a sign of being lost—it’s a sign of awareness. You’re gaining clarity on what truly matters to you, rather than simply following old habits or societal expectations. For example, you may begin questioning why you pursued a certain career path or why certain friendships feel draining instead of fulfilling.
• You feel a mix of fear and excitement. Change is uncertain, and that can be scary. But if the shifts in your life also bring moments of excitement or curiosity, it means you’re stepping into something meaningful. Fear and growth often go hand in hand—think about the nervous energy before a big move, a new job, or stepping into a new phase of life.

All of these signs point toward personal evolution, not a loss of identity. You’re not erasing who you were; you’re expanding into who you’re meant to be.

Navigating the Shift Without Fear

Instead of resisting change, try leaning into it. Journaling can help you track your evolution, allowing you to see patterns in your growth. Surround yourself with people who encourage self-discovery rather than those who want you to stay the same for their comfort. And most importantly, practice self-compassion—change is messy, and you don’t have to have it all figured out right away.

Maybe the question isn’t “Did I lose myself?” but rather “Who am I becoming?” The answer might surprise you—in the best way possible.

What’s one way you’ve changed in the past year, and how has it shaped you? Have you struggled with letting go of an old version of yourself? Share your story in the comments—I’d love to hear how you’re evolving!

Until next time—keep thriving, keep growing, and embracing the imperfectly perfect journey.”

xo, Kieks