Recently a during a conversation with a friend of mine she asked my opinion about the status of one of her friendships, she has a best friend of over 20 years and there has been a noticeable shift in their friendship, and she no longer feels like the title of BFF applies.

I honestly had never thought about defining what this change is or what it means until now.

Changes in friendships never feels good Friendship and Sisterhood mean so much to women it is definitely a love pocket that we need filled and hurts almost as much as a romantic relationship when it ends.

The truth is as our lives change not every relationship will stay the same.

Examples of friendship changes

• The party friend becomes a mother of two more focused on carpool, and afterschool activities.
• The Supportive friend moves to another state and becomes more focused on establishing herself in her new city and finally putting themselves first.
• The single friend always up for anything finds a new relationship and spends more time with her partner building her relationship.

What do you do when the love for a friend still there, but you might not have as much in common anymore maybe instead of ending the friendship, how about a friendship demotion?

What is a friendship demotion?

A friendship demotion is a friendship re-imagined, for example you have a best friend since childhood you spoke everyday hung out often and over the years, but due to circumstances and or changes individually the relationship has changed. A demotion holds space for the past memories and friendship but makes room to build a new friendship for who and where you are now.

Friendship demotions does not apply to unhealthy, toxic or Ingenuine friendships. These types of relationships breakups are the only answer.

My friendships have gotten me through some of my darkest times, they have been my biggest cheerleaders, support systems, and the mirrors I have needed throughout my life.

Since moving away and starting a new life my friendships have definitely changed. For a while, I felt sad and hurt about the changes but in the last few months I have grown to understand that just like everything in life change in relationships are inevitable.

I went from

• Having a best friend, I saw every day that knew everything going on in my life to now speaking to her every other month.
• From Monthly dinners or Sunday nights out at lounges to playing phone tag with or only seeing some of my closest friends when I make a trip to Los Angeles.
• To having a friend that was just an acquaintance for years become a best friend who I talk to twice a week and probably the only friend that checks on me regularly.

A few months back I was filled with so much sadness I felt so alone because not only have I not built many friendships in Atlanta I also felt disconnected from the ones I had back home. My boyfriend reminded me that my friends were still my friends, but we are all living different lives and maybe its just a shift not the end of the friendships. As much as I don’t like to admit it he was right.

Over these past few years my friends have:

• Had babies.
• Gone through breakups.
• Started New relationships.
• Moved to new cities and states.
• Started businesses
• Dealing with loss
• Gotten Promotions
• Bought Homes
• Started School
• Career shifts
• Lifestyle changes

I had to realize that I am also in a different space in my life, and I am not the same friend I used to be either.

I am learning to be okay with the shift in all of my friendships knowing that we all still love, support and miss each other but life has simply changed.

I recently made a turnaround trip back home to Los Angeles very last minute and invited all of my friends to an event every one of them showed up with no questions asked even with life’s changes one thing we will do is show up and enjoy each other’s company and will always be there for each other.

Ending a friendship is not always the answer when there is a shift. I challenge you to look at your friendships, are there some friends that no longer serve who you are now? From there be open reimagining the friendship, maybe you need to demote some friends in order to make room for new ones. Maybe a friendship needs a restart that aligns with who you are today and where you want to go and not who you were in the past.

Have you ever had to demote a friend? please comment and share your experience.

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Until next time

xoxo Kieks