Happy New Week Loves! Is it me or did this weekend fly bye? Had a huge family wedding last week so I missed a few days of blogging due to the non stop activities that came with being in a wedding. Note if anyone says that being a bridesmaid isn’t work they lied …period!!

I have thought about this a lot lately and I hoped that maybe some of you may have experienced this and can offer some advice or maybe someone would need it in the future.

I began my self love and healing journey a few years ago, (excuse me if I am repeating myself) but I had gotten out of a toxic relationship and realized that I needed to work on myself before I could truly give and receive love again.

During this time I read all the self help book I did all the things they tell you to do:

• Finding a Spiritual Compass
• Be Nicer to yourself
• Evaluate my toxic traits and triggers
• Set Boundaries

You see where I am going with this right?

What the books didn’t say or maybe I missed it, what happens when me becomes we.

Since starting my new relationship I have realized that though I had become pretty good at maintaining my self love, healing and my anxiety when it was just me.

Since getting in a relationship some old and newly discovered traits have been exposed such as:

• I am a runner -My ability to be ready to run at the sign of trouble it pretty crazy but also a trait I did not know I had until getting in a relationship. In the beginning it was as if I always had one foot in and one foot out the door, a trait I now have to consistently have to work on.

• Always being in defense mode– Throughout my life I have always felt judged and in turn felt like I had to defend myself . Same goes for my past relationship where I always felt judged except I never defended myself instead would feel less than because I was not perfect. This toxic trait has shown up in my current relationship and has been hard to catch before I’m ready to put on those boxing gloves.. smh

• Anxiety – Now anxiety is not necessarily a toxic trait but it can cause a negative atmosphere for those closest to you. It is a hard thing for the person going through it to understand so imagine what its like for a loved one who if they are anything like mine just wants to understand and fix it. Being single for as long as I was I knew when I was sinking, needed alone time, and how to get myself out of it. Dealing with my anxiety is definitely different now, the biggest reason being this is vulnerability that cannot be hidden. The only thing I have been able to do is deal with it alone and with my person and try my best to create some understanding during a low.

What has worked for me dealing with these few things and all the other things on this journey has been communication. One day even before becoming official my now boyfriend called me out on “always having on my running shoes” he told me simply no one wants to be with someone that they feel always has a foot our the door, from that day I told my self that instead of running from him I would walk with him. The instinct to run stems from fear when we are scared our first thought is to go the other way but sometimes when you slow down and just walk with every step you become calmer in end you might just find there was nothing to fear in the first place.

Now I would be lying if I told you that I have figured out not going in to defense mode this one is a definite stuggle … SOS!! LOL. Lately I have been doing my best to listen rather then go into defense not everything is an attack.

When it comes to my anxiety one word for how I deal with it in my relationship is Transparency I talk about how I am feeling even if it may sound crazy to the other person. Though I am open I do not expect him to understand what and how I feel. I do my best to help him to understand what anxiety is we have been working through my lows together which I am thankful for.

When people tell you that being in a relationship is work believe them it is working on yourself it is working in the relationship and working during the growth of the the relationship it is not for the weak !! lol xo Kieks